To those of you who are mourning. . .

So I've thought of a possible "use" for this blog, but it completely depends on you, the readers. I'd be willing to maintain or create new content, IF I have folks to interact with. So my thought is. . .anyone who's currently mourning a pregnancy loss and just needs support from someone who's been there, leave a comment. I'd be more than happy to offer you a listening "ear" in the midst of your pain. Or if you're pregnant again after miscarriage and just need someone to share your fears or your news or your joy with, I'd be honored to be that person. Sometimes it can be easier to type to a faceless friend than to talk to a supporter in person. It's just an idea, and it might be a bad one. I have the blog set up to notify me when you comment, so feel free to try it out. I'm here in the blogosphere, with cyberhugs a plenty. . .

Plans for this blog. . .

I think for now, I'm just going to leave this blog here for anyone who may need encouragement while going through a similar experience. Someday, should I be blessed with another pregnancy, I will undoubtedly need somewhere to vent my thoughts and fears again. If any of you, my readers, have ideas about a new direction to take this blog or have questions for me you would like answered, please feel free to leave a comment, and I will do my best to answer. I do have two other blogs I am currently maintaining. . .well, perhaps maintaining is a strong word, because admittedly, I don't post as much as I should. Check out my blogroll on this page. . and I wish you all the best!!!

She's Here!!

Okay, so she's actually been here for about 6 weeks. If you've ever had a newborn AND a second child, you understand the lateness of my announcement!

My beautiful baby girl, who shall hereafter be referred to as AG for blogging purposes, arrived on October 20th, 2009 at 2:39 p.m. via scheduled C-section. She weighed in at a hefty 9 pounds, 5 ounces and was 21.5 inches long. I cannot believe after all the preterm labor scares, she actually waited till the scheduled day.

I had a rough few days of recovery post C-section due to a horrible cold with a cough. Ever had an abdominal incision and a cough at the same time? If not, consider yourself fortunate! Once that issue resolved, I felt better pretty quickly.

AG is a gorgeous baby (I may be a little biased, but not too much, really!). She is already sleeping well at night and nursing like a champ. I feel so blessed to have my two sweet little girls.

I'm not sure the best way to utilize this blog now that the pregnancy is over. If I have any regular readers left after the two month hiatus of no posting, I am open to your suggestions. I started this blog as a way to diary my pregnancy and have an outlet for my anxiety as we slowly passed the "risky" phase for miscarriage. We're not absolutely sure we're finished having babies but we're done for a few years at least. I would love to be a support to any newly pregnant mommies out there who have experienced a loss and need to talk about their worries during pregnancy, but I'm just not sure I have the reader base for that. I guess we'll see what happens naturally here. Post a comment if you have a suggestion for what direction we should take this blog!

38 Weeks & Counting

I know. . .I know! Long time, no update. Basically we've been doing about the same so nothing really to report. I am 38 weeks, 3 days today and she's still in there! Apparently we were very convincing when we stopped premature progression at 33 weeks. I stayed on modified bedrest (just a lot of sitting but I still worked) until 36 weeks, then kind of took it easy till 37 weeks. Now I'm sort of wishing she would come. Well, not today, it's GG's birthday and I'd rather they not share that date, but soon.

As it stands, I'm scheduled for a repeat C-section on October 20th at 1:30 p.m. if she doesn't try and make an appearance before then. I'm back to my normal activities (and then some!) because I have this OCD urge to clean everything. I've had that urge for about 2 months now so even if it is "nesting" it's apparently a long term thing for me. So. . .we're just sitting tight, waiting to meet this little beauty. Big sis turned 5 today so it was a big day for her! My doctor agreed to let me off work starting this week so that's a huge relief. I'm not sleeping at night and at least now I can nap some during the day this week. I'll try and keep the blog updated but no promises!

Modified Bedrest-33 weeks, 5 days

I've been neglecting to post here and for that I am sorry. A lot has been going on so I'll try to summarize.

All was going along as expected until last Wednesday. I woke up and noticed that my belly had "dropped" and was much lower than the day before. It was so obvious that one of my co-workers actually noticed it, too. As the day wore on, I developed more and more pelvic pressure (and pressure in other unmentionable regions) that was only relieved when I lay down once I got home that evening. Overnight, the pressure in the area of my cervix increased, even when I was lying down. The next day, I had some errands planned so I decided to get in to the doctor early in the day just to be checked and make sure it was just her change in position that was causing the pressure.

The doctor was not in so the nurse practitioner saw me. She checked me and immediately developed a look of concern. She said the baby's head was "right there" and I was 80% effaced and 2-3 cm dilated. Not what you want to hear at 33 weeks pregnant. They put me on a monitor for about half an hour but I wasn't really contracting. The NP then said she called my doctor and he wanted me to go to the hospital for more extensive monitoring. I asked if it was okay to first go home and shower (GG and I had basically rolled out of bed and gone in for an early appointment). They told me to go home, shower, and pack a bag because I could be there hours or days, depending on what they found. The NP said I would most likely be on complete bed rest until at least 36 weeks.

I left the office in a bit of a panic, not wanting this baby to come so early that she'd have to stay in NICU. I knew she'd survive and had an underlying peace that she'd be okay, but this was not how I wanted things to go! I called several friends and family members and asked them to start praying. Hubby met me at home and took GG to a friend's house for the evening and we packed a quick bag and went in to the labor and delivery unit at the hospital. They put me on the monitor. Baby's heartbeat was good and no contractions. We sat there for probably 2 hours while they watched her. They were confused as to why I was there because the NP had not called to tell them I was coming. The house doctor checked me and said she agreed that I was 80% effaced but that my cervix was high and posterior and maybe dilated only about half a cm. She hurt me badly trying to measure it. They sent me home on "regular" activities and I was told to keep my regular appointment with the doctor in the morning.

I left the hospital feeling very confused. I know it's possible that God closed my cervix and I am grateful for that, but the conflicting reports left me a bit baffled and annoyed. I went to see my OB the next morning. He said I was dilated an unknown amount and he wasn't going to hurt me to find out just how much. I was also effaced and he felt it was a bit early to see that progression. The final verdict was that I would go home with a modified activity level and come back the next week for further evaluation. Basically, no walking or standing (no grocery shopping, etc.) and I was to sit as much as possible to keep the pressure off my cervix. I was told I'm allowed to go to work (office job), but to drive there, go to my desk and get up only to use the restroom.

So-here I sit in my recliner. My wonderful hubby is waiting on me hand and foot. I've become a new fan of the TV series Lost because I can watch it on my computer, and it's given me time to catch up on my blogging. Just praying this little princess stays put a few more weeks. . .

Apparently, I Love Predictability

I've decided to go with the repeat C-section. I think I like things predictable, and my fear of going through a long labor attempt only to end up with another section outweighs my desire to try for a VBAC. So. . .this little one will be born on October 20th. . .barring spontaneous labor, which is of course always possible. If that happens, they will do the surgery as soon as labor begins.

One of my holdups about choosing was the fact that GG was expressing a strong desire to be present at the birth. I was not sure if this was a good idea, but willing to explore the possibilities. To investigate her intentions further, we settled in a few weeks ago to watch an episode of "A Baby Story" on TLC. I figured if she could handle that, we would talk some more. As the mommy began to push and her face got red, GG informed me that she found that a little scary. Then when the camera zoomed to that blood covered little baby head in the doctor's hands (they blocked out the mommy's "woman parts"), GG covered her face with a blanket and started to yell, "EEEWWWW, Mommy, that's SO GROSS! Tell me when it's OVER!!" I knew at that point that she liked the idea of being in the room, not the reality. I asked her after the show if she still wanted to be in the room when her little sister comes out and she said, "No WAY! I'll stay with Gramma or something. You can call me in after she's had a BATH." I laughed a bit and then decided on the C-section.

My main concern was having enough help afterwards to take care of GG and the new baby all while on surgical restriction for 3 weeks, BUT my wonderful mother-in-law is coming to stay for a while, as is my step-mom after that, so it looks like we're covered. . .and who wouldn't welcome having someone else come in and do the cooking, cleaning and laundry for a while? Only a crazy person! I'm SO looking forward to meeting this little sweetie!

VBAC vs Repeat C-section??

So we've made it to 26 + weeks and all is well. I saw my doctor on Friday and asked him the question I've been wondering since I had my daughter 4 1/2 years ago. . .VBAC or repeat C-section. His response? "It's totally your decision." Arrgh! I at least wanted some input or feedback of some kind, but nooooo. . .he has to be all woman empowering and stuff. Great!

So I started doing research on my own. The risk of uterine rupture is about 1% with VBAC, but there are all KINDS of risks with a C-section, too! How did I not know this?? I guess since my section with GG was an emergency, I didn't know the risks and in the heat of the moment, didn't care! The worst option according to the information I've found is labor and THEN an emergency C-section. Increases your risk of everything! So what's a girl to do? I'm still on the fence. If she stays breech it's a no-brainer, but we won't know that till the end.

I've gotten WAY more advice than I ever wanted since I started considering my options, just from people I know (or don't know-internet message boards) so I know everyone has an opinion. Problem is, I have to decide for myself. We'll see how the next few weeks unfold. . .