Apparently, I Love Predictability

I've decided to go with the repeat C-section. I think I like things predictable, and my fear of going through a long labor attempt only to end up with another section outweighs my desire to try for a VBAC. So. . .this little one will be born on October 20th. . .barring spontaneous labor, which is of course always possible. If that happens, they will do the surgery as soon as labor begins.

One of my holdups about choosing was the fact that GG was expressing a strong desire to be present at the birth. I was not sure if this was a good idea, but willing to explore the possibilities. To investigate her intentions further, we settled in a few weeks ago to watch an episode of "A Baby Story" on TLC. I figured if she could handle that, we would talk some more. As the mommy began to push and her face got red, GG informed me that she found that a little scary. Then when the camera zoomed to that blood covered little baby head in the doctor's hands (they blocked out the mommy's "woman parts"), GG covered her face with a blanket and started to yell, "EEEWWWW, Mommy, that's SO GROSS! Tell me when it's OVER!!" I knew at that point that she liked the idea of being in the room, not the reality. I asked her after the show if she still wanted to be in the room when her little sister comes out and she said, "No WAY! I'll stay with Gramma or something. You can call me in after she's had a BATH." I laughed a bit and then decided on the C-section.

My main concern was having enough help afterwards to take care of GG and the new baby all while on surgical restriction for 3 weeks, BUT my wonderful mother-in-law is coming to stay for a while, as is my step-mom after that, so it looks like we're covered. . .and who wouldn't welcome having someone else come in and do the cooking, cleaning and laundry for a while? Only a crazy person! I'm SO looking forward to meeting this little sweetie!

VBAC vs Repeat C-section??

So we've made it to 26 + weeks and all is well. I saw my doctor on Friday and asked him the question I've been wondering since I had my daughter 4 1/2 years ago. . .VBAC or repeat C-section. His response? "It's totally your decision." Arrgh! I at least wanted some input or feedback of some kind, but nooooo. . .he has to be all woman empowering and stuff. Great!

So I started doing research on my own. The risk of uterine rupture is about 1% with VBAC, but there are all KINDS of risks with a C-section, too! How did I not know this?? I guess since my section with GG was an emergency, I didn't know the risks and in the heat of the moment, didn't care! The worst option according to the information I've found is labor and THEN an emergency C-section. Increases your risk of everything! So what's a girl to do? I'm still on the fence. If she stays breech it's a no-brainer, but we won't know that till the end.

I've gotten WAY more advice than I ever wanted since I started considering my options, just from people I know (or don't know-internet message boards) so I know everyone has an opinion. Problem is, I have to decide for myself. We'll see how the next few weeks unfold. . .

Missing Baby #2 Today

This pregnancy is going by without complication. Minor inconveniences to be sure and discomfort, but this little girl is healthy and moves like crazy! That's why today I was taken aback by my emotions. I was sitting here listening to some Christian music by Natalie Grant, specifically the song "Held." It talks about parents losing a little one and the line, "The promise was that when everything fell, we'd be held." I suddenly found myself weeping about the baby we lost last summer. I'm so excited about this new little girl, yet it doesn't make the pain of the loss of my child who's in heaven go away. Emotions are crazy things, aren't they?

We are at 25 weeks now and counting. Thank God for all the blessings in my life. . .

The Slowest Cremation Process Ever

I'm sitting here tonight waiting for thunderstorms in joyful anticipation. They promise an end to this horrible heat wave. I'm one of those people that hates winter and I would rather be in an air conditioned house in summer than to be suffering through wintertime right now, but this heat is SERIOUS stuff. Combined with the fact that my new little daughter appears to enjoy riding in my chest cavity and you get the picture. I can't breath, I can barely eat, and breathing "air soup" is definitely not high on my list of fun things to do. Try temps in the upper 90s with heat indices over 100 for like 3 weeks now! I have this feeling that I'm slowly being cooked as I stand in the sun for any period of time, hence the title of my post. Is it possible to be cremated alive by the heat? I'm a bit dramatic, I know.

23 weeks along now and already looking forward to holding this baby on the OUTSIDE, where my lungs will have plenty of normal room to expand while I enjoy her company.

My morning at the doctor's office. . .

Last night around 11:30 p.m., I started having what may or may not have been contractions. I had Braxton-Hicks with GG, but only like one or two a week, not every 10 minutes or so for hours. I never had normal labor with her. My water broke and then I had excruciating back labor for two hours before my C-section. So I did all the stuff they tell you to do, changed positions, walked around, drank water, etc. and they continued for like three hours, coming every two minutes to around every 10 minutes. At about 3:00 a.m., I called my doctor's exchange and he called me back. I explained what was going on and that I thought it was contractions (tightening all the way around and uncomfortable) and wasn't sure what to do. He asked me if the baby was moving much and I told him she was actually moving more than usual. He told me it would be much easier for me if I just met him at his office when he got there in the morning at around 8:45 a.m. than it would be to deal with the hospital. I took that to mean he thought I was okay and tried to sleep. I got maybe three hours altogether, then got up and went in to see him.

They did the usual stuff (urine sample, weight check, blood pressure, doppler check on the heartbeat) and said everything looked normal. He then "checked" me and said my cervix was "unlabored," which to me means not dilated or effaced-a good thing to be sure. They put me on the contraction monitor for about 15 minutes and it didn't show anything (I didn't really feel them much anymore anyway by then). He was very nice (as usual) and told me that since my cervix was unchanged there was nothing to worry about. He thinks I'm having more ligament pain and tightening than anything. In fact, he was so okay with my status that he told me to cancel my regular appointment next week and just come back in four weeks like usual. Needless to say, I am relieved but in need of sleep.

This little one has been moving like a crazy jumping bean for the last 24 hours. She's rolling, punching, kicking. . a LOT. I took a nap today and when I woke up, I think she had the hiccups for the first time because my belly was jumping rhythmically for a few minutes. Pregnancy is such an adventure!

Ultrasound Pictures-5/29/09-19 weeks, 1 day

Update-20 weeks

Nothing new to report! I'm starting to feel her move a lot more now, but GG and hubby still can't feel it from the outside. I'm trying to get out sometime soon to get the paper pictures from the ultrasound scanned onto some kind of digital media so I can put them on here. GG and I tried to do it on Tuesday but the power was out at the store we went to. So other than being tired and having a minor "crowded" feeling in my chest, I'm feeling all right!!

I have this urge to shop that I can't seem to shake. It was this way when GG was in there, too, but because of the whole spider bite experience, I couldn't leave the house for that until the third trimester. We've already got her "take home" outfit and now we're on the prowl for a hospital picture one. We already have a TON of girl clothes left from GG, but wanted her to have a few things of her own.

I also FINALLY found an awesome diaper bag. I say finally because I've actually been looking ever since we decided to try again two years ago! I had one I loved with GG and I ruined it in the washing machine. I just haven't been able find one that big, yet cute, since. Until now! Yay for me.