Update 12 weeks, 4 days

Not much of an update really. As far as I know, all is currently well. I got brave and decided to wait the usual 4 weeks from my last ultrasound, so nothing new until 12/21. Still nauseous but not as bad all the time. I have some days where I feel icky all day, others where it's just once in the morning and then barring strong smells, I'm okay. I *think* I heard the heartbeat on my doppler a few days ago at 12 weeks but it was in and out so I couldn't count it. . .Hoping that at least means my little wiggly bean is still hanging in there. . .

6 weeks, 6 days

Yesterday I had waves of nausea off and on all day. I still haven't thrown up, but I have heaved a few times. I just refuse to give in and run to the toilet. I called my doctor's office yesterday and got my prescription for Zofran called in. Decided I didn't want to go the weekend without access to it. My esophagus feels bruised from a dry heave/pill swallowing incident I had a few days ago so I REALLY don't want to puke.

This morning, when I awoke and felt the first mild waves of nausea, I rolled over and took a Zofran and then stayed in bed another 30 minutes. This enabled me to get up and eat breakfast without fighting the nausea. Since then I've had a queasy moment or two but nothing major. Of course, I'm worrying if that's a bad sign. The first trimester is such a mental trial for me. *sigh*

Here we go again. . .

That's right, I'm pregnant again! I've decided to blog here again to document the ups and downs. I like having this blog to look back at my pregnancy with AG, kind of like a journal. AG by the way is 2 now and a delightfully mischievous little one. So here we go again!

At something like 3 weeks, 2 days, I took a test that was faintly positive. I was shocked. We'd been off the pill for 2 mos but we weren't timing or trying at all. . .and with my previous fertility problems, I did not expect to become pregnant. That said, I am a compulsive stick-peer when not using birth control, so I bought a 50 pack off of Amazon for $10 and was indulging my compulsion several days a month. I was also hoping to catch even a very early pregnancy that might not last because I was curious about the state of my Fallopian tubes and didn't want to have a radiology test done to see if they were open. ANYway, on the day in question, I peed on the stick and left it sitting by my computer and forgot about it. I went to lie down for a nap, remembered I'd left it laying there and went to throw it away so GG wouldn't ask me what it was. As I reached to drop it into the trash can, I was very surprised to see a faint line!

Fast forward to 4 weeks, blood draw showed HCG at 531 and progesterone at 30, both good for early. Repeat draw at 4 weeks, 2 days showed HCG at 1119. Also good. That's all the info for now. We've decided not to keep it a secret this time as we did with AG. GG is old enough to understand the possibility of losing it and I want to celebrate this little miracle even if it's with me for only a few weeks. I hope it sticks but if it doesn't, it's in the hands of God anyway.

Today, I am 6 weeks, 2 days and I've been having waves of nausea mildly since 5 weeks 6 days. I also have a raging cold so not sure if that has something to do with it. Right now, sugary bubble gum (Dubble Bubble) or Coca-cola flavored crushed ice is doing the trick. Also eating what I crave and nothing else seems to be good. My OB gave me a prenatal vitamin with extra B6 to take throughout the day that is supposed to help with nausea. So far, so good. Here's hoping. =) Ultrasound to check for heartbeat scheduled for 11/9/11 at 7 weeks, 2 days.

We Made It!!!

Well, the baby officially made it through the first trimester. Ultrasound today at 12 weeks, 6 days showed that all is well. Heart rate is 161 bpm, CRL is 13 weeks, 3 days. God is good!

We took GG out to dinner tonight to tell her the news. It was so much fun. We ordered our drinks and after they came she was anxious to get her food (Chinese buffet). We had told her in the car that we had a surprise for her. I told her to sit still a minute and wait, that I had something to show her. I handed her the ultrasound picture and she said rather loudly, "You have a BABY!!" I told her yes. She reiterated, "There's a BABY in your tummy???" When we again told her there was she started squealing and giggling madly. It was the most adorable thing.

We came home and she called her friend, Lily to tell her the news. They giggled about it on the phone. Then I showed her the DVD of the ultrasound from today. She restarted it about 10 times, talking about how cute the baby is and how much she already loves it. She asked if the doctor was measuring the heartbeat to make sure it is healthy and doesn't die like our "other" baby. I said that's why the doctor watches and measures. I told her we hope that doesn't happen this time. She is absolutely ecstatic. I have one special girl on my hands.

Today Is The Day

. . .and I'm a nervous wreck. Part of me is excited in anticipation of telling GG the good news tonight. Another part of me is terrified that I'm going to get bad news at my appointment. I've made it till lunch, which when I got up this morning seemed impossible. Now just three and a half more hours till I have the ultrasound (or until I go to the appointment, which could end up with an hour wait before I get the ultrasound).

I will say, I talked with two really good friends and my sister-in-law yesterday briefly. They all told me they would be praying for me last night and today. For the last few nights, I've had visions of horrible news dancing in my head and dreams. Last night, as I lay there in bed on the cusp of sleep, I found myself daydreaming about the actual birth experience with this little one, nursing him or her for the first time. . .and then I jolted. Where did those thoughts come from? I suddenly had this unexplainable certainty that someone was praying for me. And it didn't stop there! I dreamt last night that the ultrasound went beautifully and the baby looked great.

This may not seem like a big deal, but considering that I've had horrible, tormenting nightmares about different miscarriage scenarios for the last three or four nights, I think it is a miracle. So. . thanks to all my prayer warriors out there. And thanks to all my awesome friends. Just as I was on the verge of freak out this morning, I got an e-mail from a friend reminding me of the scripture I posted on here a few days ago from Psalm 139:16. It was a timely reminder that I'm not the one in control. I've had it open on my desktop reading it every 15 minutes or so ever since.

I'll post again later tonight-hopefully with great news!

Olives & Ice Cream?

Okay, not eaten together, don't panic. . .I think I'm at that weird "in between" point where the sickness is better, but still hanging around now and then. This means that some foods are tasting really good, but come back to bite me later. I hope today is not one of those days.

For the last three days, I can't seem to get enough green olives. I have eaten a whole jar and a half by myself (no one else in my house likes them). Then for the last four days, I've been dying for some strawberry ice cream. Hubby, GG and I went to Sam's Club yesterday for dog food, etc. and all they had was vanilla or Neopolitan flavors, so I bought the Neopolitan thinking the strawberry in there would suffice. NO WAY. The flavor was artificial and left a horrible after taste.

Today I think I went a little crazy. The stores are all closed for Easter and I really wanted that strawberry ice cream. I drove 10-12 miles to a Baskin Robbins to get some, then opened and ate some of my quart in the parking lot. I've also had a bowl since I got home and may still have more before bed. It tastes so delicious it's actually an emotional experience. I think I'm in the home stretch for the morning sickness. Hallelujah!!!!!

12 Weeks Today

Well, I'm officially 12 weeks today, but won't be thoroughly relieved until I have my ultrasound next week at 12 weeks, 6 days. This will prove that the baby actually made it through the first trimester. I'm still pretty nauseous off and on (lost my dinner last night-won't be eating vegetable beef soup again for a WHILE), but now I've become paranoid that my belly isn't getting any bigger. I'm afraid I may be shrinking.

Nothing much to base it on. I wear mostly stretchy pants anyway so this fear is all subjective, but then what fear isn't? I'm holding on to a promise my sister-in-law posted on Facebook several weeks ago that has really stuck with me: Psalm 139:16 "your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." I'm not the one forming this baby anyway. All his or her days were written before one of them came to be. I'm trying to rest in that.

Update on Me

So it appears that the nausea is on the downhill side-FINALLY. I still heave once every morning, have unpredictable waves of nausea during the day, and absolutely cannot allow myself to get hungry enough for my tummy to growl, but overall I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. If this follows the same pattern it did with my first (healthy) pregnancy, all nausea and extreme food aversion should be gone by week 14-now less than three weeks away! My morale is definitely better because even though I know morning sickness is a good sign, feeling it constantly was very depressing. Thanks for all you guys who are praying for me. It really helps!! 11 weeks, 3 days and counting!

Ultrasound-10 weeks, 6 days

I had another ultrasound today, but no DVD this time so no picture to post. When my doctor came in, he asked how I was and I told him I'd been feeling better for the last three days and was now worried that was a bad sign. He said, "I figured you'd say something like that," which I took to mean, most women start to feel a little better at this stage and it's normal, but he knows I'm a worrier after last time (rightly so). He did another transabdominal scan (which is external, thank goodness) and found the baby immediately. The CRL measured 10 weeks, 5 days-which is 3 days off from last time, but he said it's normal to have some fluctuation. The heart rate was 168 bpm, very healthy and strong. So. . .it appears my worries were for nothing, something I am very grateful for. I intend to fully appreciate every nausea-free moment I have over the next few weeks, until it's gone altogether. I have another scan in two weeks. If all looks good at that one, we intend to tell GG about her impending big sisterhood. Here's hoping!!!

On a spiritual note, as I was driving to the appointment, I was thinking about how God sees me and that if I was going to get bad news, he already knows it's coming. I pictured him bracing himself for my sorrow that was to come, knowing he grieves with his children. As I was having these thoughts, a whisper blew across my heart that said something like, "He anticipates your joy with excitement, not just your pain with sorrow." I, being the pessimist I am, didn't really listen at the time, so invested in my worry was I. After the scan went well, I think I felt a bit convicted for not taking the encouragement that was being offered. I am thankful for a God that gets excited when he knows I'm about to get good news. I should listen to his whispers more often.

Such a Worry Wort

photo by cesar bojorquez

So today, I got up, threw up once in the morning, then went on about my day. I only had one or two waves of nausea all day long. I should be happy, right? Nope. Now I'm scared. I'm afraid that something is wrong with the baby and it made my nausea go away prematurely. Now how's that for ironic? When I'm puking my guts out, I'm praying for it to pass and when I'm feeling better, I'm wishing I felt sick because I'm afraid it's a bad sign. I have issues.

I also had a dream last night that I began to bleed. In my dream, I tried to call my doctor, but the phone wouldn't work. No matter which buttons I pushed, I couldn't get the right number to dial. The dream scared me because I had a dream about bleeding two days before I started spotting with the baby I lost. Now I'm afraid it's a bad sign.

My next ultrasound is scheduled for this coming Wednesday, April 1st at 4 pm. At that point, I will be 10 weeks, 6 days (I'm 10 weeks, 4 days today). I'm nervous that I'm going to get bad news. I have no signs or symptoms of miscarriage, just an ease in the nausea. I wanted to call my doctor today and see if I could come in early, but what should I say. Somehow, "I only puked once today and I had a dream that I was bleeding," doesn't seem like a reason that would carry much weight? Oh the dark and twisty mind I possess. I'm praying I can rest in God's peace until Wednesday, but it is a moment by moment struggle.

Over Halfway Through The Nausea

I've had a rough few days this week. On Wednesday, before work, I did my usual heaving before I took my Zofran and I swear I thought I tore my esophagus. My chest hurt for about 20 minutes after and even swallowing water was painful. So for the last two days, I've been taking the Zofran half an hour before I get up, so as not to throw up at all. It's not easy and once I swallow the water, the nausea starts. I lie there and grit my teeth for half an hour to keep it down, then manage to eat breakfast and start the day. I'm still fairly nauseous all day long, but not throwing up as much. I just keep reminding myself that the nausea in any form will probably only last a little less than 4 more weeks. I'm more than half way through it.

I have managed to rehydrate by eating ice. I've also discovered that chewing sugared bubble gum makes me able to drink water (though terrible for my teeth). I chewed the last piece last night, so I'll be off in search of more sometime today. Oh, the tiny tricks we use to survive a rough time.

On a positive note, my good friend, Judy came over yesterday to help me out. She helped me sort my laundry, put away some clean clothes, and then played with GG for over an hour. It was a huge blessing to me and to GG. They had so much fun together. She is great with kids.

Thank God for putting people in our lives who go out of their way to show kindness. 10 weeks, 1 day and counting!!!

My Solution for Today

I say it's a solution for today because things tend to work for me one minute, and not necessarily the next. Once I calmed down from my anger at the disregard shown to me by the medical assistant, I remembered one thing she suggested-ice chips. So after lunch as I was hanging over my trash can at work (I'm sure the folks there LOVE me right now), I asked one of my friends if she would go get me a cup of ice from the ice machine downstairs. I also got a can of plain Coca-Cola, not to drink completely, but to flavor the ice (plain ice can be hard to stomach for me). So far, so good. It's not enough flavor to start the bad taste syndrome, but enough to make the ice palatable, and hopefully not enough caffeine to do any harm. So far, I'm on my second heaping cup and it's tasting pretty good. So I guess the condescending lady gets a point for one helpful tip. Wow, am I bitter today or what?

Warning-Rant

I have tried to "push" myself to drink more over the last couple days, but I feel like I just can't catch up. Hubby and I discussed it and I decided to call my doctor's office this morning and ask about the home IV option. If it could make me feel better and give me a head start on re hydrating, I'd be willing to do it.

I called an hour after they opened and spoke with his assistant. She acted like she'd never heard of such a thing and asked me if I'd tried popsicles. I told her I've tried everything and it all leaves a horrible taste in my mouth and makes me want to throw up. I told her the doctor himself is the one who suggested the IV thing, and she said she'd talk to him and call me back.

She called me back no more than 10 minutes later and said that unless I'm dizzy and lightheaded, IVs are not necessary. He just wants me to push myself to drink. She said decreased urine output is a "sign they look for in children who can't communicate other symptoms." She was so condescending, it left me upset. I said I'd do my best and hung up.

I'm feeling fairly stupid right now (and mad). Hubby assures me that we heard the same thing on Saturday and that we don't know what the assistant said to him this morning, or exactly what he said back. All I know is that they made me feel like a moron for even mentioning the possibility of an IV. So I guess I'm off to force feed myself some more water (since there's nothing else available at work to drink) and pray it stays down. Grrrrrr. . .

All Is Well!

Just returned home from the doctor's office. He was able to see the baby with the transabdominal ultrasound (no more plastic probe, YAY!) Baby's heart rate was 186 bpm, normal for my stage today (9 weeks, 2 days). He didn't measure because the heart looked so good. He said the spotting was likely the result of the internal probe on Wednesday and it just took a couple of days to show up. We are immensely relieved.

I threw up in the car on the way home. Luckily, I brought a trash bag along just in case. I suspect that I am suffering from dehydration. I have several symptoms-very little urine output, very dry skin, dry mouth, chills, etc. My doctor gave us till Monday to rehydrate manually. He recommends sipping Gatorade, Kool-aid, etc. since water makes me nauseous (breathing makes me nauseous, too, but I must continue!) If I'm still dehydrated on Monday, he is going to order a home nurse to come and administer IV fluids. He said he knows it sounds bad, but it would make me feel a lot better very quickly.

So as I sit here typing, I'm sipping my purple Gatorade like a good girl. Hubby is now monitoring my fluids, which is probably good. It will keep me honest! Thanks to all of you who prayed and thought of me over the last 24 hours.

Spotting & Scared

Unfortunately, I started spotting this afternoon. There's been no bright red bleeding, just a steady light brown for several hours. I am, of course, quite scared. I called my doctor's office and was told that if it increases, I should go to the ER. If not, he will see me in his office for an ultrasound at 10:15 a.m. to see if the baby's still okay.

The medical assistant told me that the fact that we have a good ultrasound just two days ago, and the fact that it is light spotting are all good signs, but still I fear. I am hoping and praying that all is well, but I'm not sure I will breathe a sigh of relief with this pregnancy until we make it through this first trimester. My nerves are shot.

Thankfully, a good friend is coming to sit with GG so my husband can go with me in the morning. I have horrible flashbacks of the day I got the bad news from an ultrasound the last time and I was alone. I don't want that to happen again. I just keep watching the DVD of the one I had on Wednesday, seeing the little bean move around in there and trying to hold on to hope. I'll update after the appointment tomorrow either way.

Death By Morning Sickness?

Photo by: Katharine Moriarty
Okay, so obviously if I'm writing this post, I'm not dead. I'm just wondering how many consecutive days one can throw up repeatedly and stay alive. Okay, so I'm being dramatic and I know I won't die from it, but I did genuinely wonder this morning if my stomach can physically turn inside out and come up my esophagus? It's bad.

If I look at the big picture, it's too overwhelming. 5 more weeks of this nausea seems like forever, so I'm focusing on getting through today. Also, scientific research says HCG levels (the hormone thought to cause the nausea) peak between 8 and 10 weeks and then start to decline. Hopefully that means these few weeks are the worst of it. I need hope so I'm going to believe that. Don't get me wrong, in the midst of all this, I'm grateful that the sickness means all is well, but it's hard to keep your "chin up" when your head is constantly hanging in the toilet. . .

Ultrasound-8 weeks, 6 days

YAY! Had another ultrasound today, thanks to my super cool doctor. Everything looked great. The baby's CRL (crown-rump-length) measured 9 weeks, 1 day even though I'm actually 8 weeks, 6 days according to cycle dates (all within normal range). I got to hear that little heartbeat again, racing along at 171 bpm. My doctor gave me the choice to come back in one week or two and I'm still debating. I'll decide tomorrow.

When I got home and got to watch today's ultrasound on DVD, I noticed that you can actually see the baby move! That was a site that brought joy to my heart. Its little head kind of nodded once and a little hand flipper moved another time. So far, so good. I'm starting to get excited in spite of my fear (and in spite of my nausea). The ultrasound pic posted above really doesn't do justice to what I saw, but it's the best I can do. The format on the DVD won't let me load the whole video to anything else. Trust me, I've tried!!

Same Old. . .

Please let this be the nausea peak. Please, please, please! I have been so sick for the last 4 days I can barely function. I just spontaneously gag/heave out of nowhere. The Zofran only helps for about an hour. Nothing sounds good to eat so I have to force feed myself stuff to keep my strength up, and I look just plain disgusting. I don't even like me right now!

It's all worth it if this little kiddo sticks in there this time, though. I'm still looking forward to week 14 and my first food that tastes good AND stays in. I just ate two over easy eggs with a piece of toast and it's the first thing that's tasted okay all day. Now I just hope it stays in!! 8 weeks, 5 days and counting!

More Fun!

I truly hope the nausea is peaking now. The last two days have been the worst so far. According to the little journal I kept when pregnant with GG, week 9 (which would be this week since you're in week 9 when you're 8 weeks, x days pregnant) was the absolute worst week of nausea I had. After that, it was still there, but manageable until week 14. C'mon week 14!!

My newest pregnancy related ailment? The rhinitis of pregnancy. This one I did suffer with briefly the last time. I couldn't get one of my ears to open and my nose kept bleeding so I saw my ENT doctor and that was his diagnosis. Never had that one with GG, but the body changes as it ages-joy. It is basically like hay fever caused by the engorged blood vessels in the nose and sinuses during pregnancy. I'm sure the awakening of spring is also a contributing factor. So for the last few days, I wake up stuffy every morning and sneeze and drip all day long. I don't have a scratchy throat or any other other cold like symptoms though so that's a blessing. A cough would be VERY bad right now, since even my hairspray occasionally makes me gag.

Fear is Ugly

Last night, right before bed, I had a tiny bit of spotting (and I mean TINY) on the toilet paper. I tried not to worry, but worry should be my middle name because I couldn't stop. I had horrible dreams of miscarriage all night long. As soon as my doctor's office opened today, I called and talked to his assistant. She said a little spotting is common after transvaginal ultrasound and as long as it doesn't persist, not to worry. It's gone this morning, and trust me I've checked. About every 30 minutes.