Update 12 weeks, 4 days

Not much of an update really. As far as I know, all is currently well. I got brave and decided to wait the usual 4 weeks from my last ultrasound, so nothing new until 12/21. Still nauseous but not as bad all the time. I have some days where I feel icky all day, others where it's just once in the morning and then barring strong smells, I'm okay. I *think* I heard the heartbeat on my doppler a few days ago at 12 weeks but it was in and out so I couldn't count it. . .Hoping that at least means my little wiggly bean is still hanging in there. . .

Here we go again. . .

That's right, I'm pregnant again! I've decided to blog here again to document the ups and downs. I like having this blog to look back at my pregnancy with AG, kind of like a journal. AG by the way is 2 now and a delightfully mischievous little one. So here we go again!

At something like 3 weeks, 2 days, I took a test that was faintly positive. I was shocked. We'd been off the pill for 2 mos but we weren't timing or trying at all. . .and with my previous fertility problems, I did not expect to become pregnant. That said, I am a compulsive stick-peer when not using birth control, so I bought a 50 pack off of Amazon for $10 and was indulging my compulsion several days a month. I was also hoping to catch even a very early pregnancy that might not last because I was curious about the state of my Fallopian tubes and didn't want to have a radiology test done to see if they were open. ANYway, on the day in question, I peed on the stick and left it sitting by my computer and forgot about it. I went to lie down for a nap, remembered I'd left it laying there and went to throw it away so GG wouldn't ask me what it was. As I reached to drop it into the trash can, I was very surprised to see a faint line!

Fast forward to 4 weeks, blood draw showed HCG at 531 and progesterone at 30, both good for early. Repeat draw at 4 weeks, 2 days showed HCG at 1119. Also good. That's all the info for now. We've decided not to keep it a secret this time as we did with AG. GG is old enough to understand the possibility of losing it and I want to celebrate this little miracle even if it's with me for only a few weeks. I hope it sticks but if it doesn't, it's in the hands of God anyway.

Today, I am 6 weeks, 2 days and I've been having waves of nausea mildly since 5 weeks 6 days. I also have a raging cold so not sure if that has something to do with it. Right now, sugary bubble gum (Dubble Bubble) or Coca-cola flavored crushed ice is doing the trick. Also eating what I crave and nothing else seems to be good. My OB gave me a prenatal vitamin with extra B6 to take throughout the day that is supposed to help with nausea. So far, so good. Here's hoping. =) Ultrasound to check for heartbeat scheduled for 11/9/11 at 7 weeks, 2 days.

She's Here!!

Okay, so she's actually been here for about 6 weeks. If you've ever had a newborn AND a second child, you understand the lateness of my announcement!

My beautiful baby girl, who shall hereafter be referred to as AG for blogging purposes, arrived on October 20th, 2009 at 2:39 p.m. via scheduled C-section. She weighed in at a hefty 9 pounds, 5 ounces and was 21.5 inches long. I cannot believe after all the preterm labor scares, she actually waited till the scheduled day.

I had a rough few days of recovery post C-section due to a horrible cold with a cough. Ever had an abdominal incision and a cough at the same time? If not, consider yourself fortunate! Once that issue resolved, I felt better pretty quickly.

AG is a gorgeous baby (I may be a little biased, but not too much, really!). She is already sleeping well at night and nursing like a champ. I feel so blessed to have my two sweet little girls.

I'm not sure the best way to utilize this blog now that the pregnancy is over. If I have any regular readers left after the two month hiatus of no posting, I am open to your suggestions. I started this blog as a way to diary my pregnancy and have an outlet for my anxiety as we slowly passed the "risky" phase for miscarriage. We're not absolutely sure we're finished having babies but we're done for a few years at least. I would love to be a support to any newly pregnant mommies out there who have experienced a loss and need to talk about their worries during pregnancy, but I'm just not sure I have the reader base for that. I guess we'll see what happens naturally here. Post a comment if you have a suggestion for what direction we should take this blog!

38 Weeks & Counting

I know. . .I know! Long time, no update. Basically we've been doing about the same so nothing really to report. I am 38 weeks, 3 days today and she's still in there! Apparently we were very convincing when we stopped premature progression at 33 weeks. I stayed on modified bedrest (just a lot of sitting but I still worked) until 36 weeks, then kind of took it easy till 37 weeks. Now I'm sort of wishing she would come. Well, not today, it's GG's birthday and I'd rather they not share that date, but soon.

As it stands, I'm scheduled for a repeat C-section on October 20th at 1:30 p.m. if she doesn't try and make an appearance before then. I'm back to my normal activities (and then some!) because I have this OCD urge to clean everything. I've had that urge for about 2 months now so even if it is "nesting" it's apparently a long term thing for me. So. . .we're just sitting tight, waiting to meet this little beauty. Big sis turned 5 today so it was a big day for her! My doctor agreed to let me off work starting this week so that's a huge relief. I'm not sleeping at night and at least now I can nap some during the day this week. I'll try and keep the blog updated but no promises!

VBAC vs Repeat C-section??

So we've made it to 26 + weeks and all is well. I saw my doctor on Friday and asked him the question I've been wondering since I had my daughter 4 1/2 years ago. . .VBAC or repeat C-section. His response? "It's totally your decision." Arrgh! I at least wanted some input or feedback of some kind, but nooooo. . .he has to be all woman empowering and stuff. Great!

So I started doing research on my own. The risk of uterine rupture is about 1% with VBAC, but there are all KINDS of risks with a C-section, too! How did I not know this?? I guess since my section with GG was an emergency, I didn't know the risks and in the heat of the moment, didn't care! The worst option according to the information I've found is labor and THEN an emergency C-section. Increases your risk of everything! So what's a girl to do? I'm still on the fence. If she stays breech it's a no-brainer, but we won't know that till the end.

I've gotten WAY more advice than I ever wanted since I started considering my options, just from people I know (or don't know-internet message boards) so I know everyone has an opinion. Problem is, I have to decide for myself. We'll see how the next few weeks unfold. . .

My morning at the doctor's office. . .

Last night around 11:30 p.m., I started having what may or may not have been contractions. I had Braxton-Hicks with GG, but only like one or two a week, not every 10 minutes or so for hours. I never had normal labor with her. My water broke and then I had excruciating back labor for two hours before my C-section. So I did all the stuff they tell you to do, changed positions, walked around, drank water, etc. and they continued for like three hours, coming every two minutes to around every 10 minutes. At about 3:00 a.m., I called my doctor's exchange and he called me back. I explained what was going on and that I thought it was contractions (tightening all the way around and uncomfortable) and wasn't sure what to do. He asked me if the baby was moving much and I told him she was actually moving more than usual. He told me it would be much easier for me if I just met him at his office when he got there in the morning at around 8:45 a.m. than it would be to deal with the hospital. I took that to mean he thought I was okay and tried to sleep. I got maybe three hours altogether, then got up and went in to see him.

They did the usual stuff (urine sample, weight check, blood pressure, doppler check on the heartbeat) and said everything looked normal. He then "checked" me and said my cervix was "unlabored," which to me means not dilated or effaced-a good thing to be sure. They put me on the contraction monitor for about 15 minutes and it didn't show anything (I didn't really feel them much anymore anyway by then). He was very nice (as usual) and told me that since my cervix was unchanged there was nothing to worry about. He thinks I'm having more ligament pain and tightening than anything. In fact, he was so okay with my status that he told me to cancel my regular appointment next week and just come back in four weeks like usual. Needless to say, I am relieved but in need of sleep.

This little one has been moving like a crazy jumping bean for the last 24 hours. She's rolling, punching, kicking. . a LOT. I took a nap today and when I woke up, I think she had the hiccups for the first time because my belly was jumping rhythmically for a few minutes. Pregnancy is such an adventure!

Ultrasound Pictures-5/29/09-19 weeks, 1 day

Update-20 weeks

Nothing new to report! I'm starting to feel her move a lot more now, but GG and hubby still can't feel it from the outside. I'm trying to get out sometime soon to get the paper pictures from the ultrasound scanned onto some kind of digital media so I can put them on here. GG and I tried to do it on Tuesday but the power was out at the store we went to. So other than being tired and having a minor "crowded" feeling in my chest, I'm feeling all right!!

I have this urge to shop that I can't seem to shake. It was this way when GG was in there, too, but because of the whole spider bite experience, I couldn't leave the house for that until the third trimester. We've already got her "take home" outfit and now we're on the prowl for a hospital picture one. We already have a TON of girl clothes left from GG, but wanted her to have a few things of her own.

I also FINALLY found an awesome diaper bag. I say finally because I've actually been looking ever since we decided to try again two years ago! I had one I loved with GG and I ruined it in the washing machine. I just haven't been able find one that big, yet cute, since. Until now! Yay for me.

THINK PINK!!!!

That's right, folks. . .it's a GIRL!!! GG got her wish and is having a baby sister. We are all very excited. Everything was good on the ultrasound. She had her little ankles crossed and her knees pressed together when we started, so I was afraid she wouldn't show her stuff. Fortunately, we had an awesome tech who "irritated" her with the probe until she squirmed around and gave us a good shot. She's measuring just over 11 oz. right now. YAY for baby girls!!!

18 weeks, 6 days. . .

And all is well. I feel huge already and I don't remember feeling this way when pregnant with GG. It already feels like my lungs are compressed and all my organs are sitting in my chest. I'm a little concerned because I know that can only get worse from here!

Our "big" ultrasound is scheduled for Friday at 1:30 and I'm so impatient! Two days seems like forever, but then I've already waited weeks. Crazy, huh? So, if Baby #2 cooperates and doesn't have a sudden attack of modesty, we should know if there's a boy or girl in there sometime Friday afternoon!! After I call all the folks on the list, I will definitely post here. For poor GG's sake (see previous post), I kinda hope it's a girl, but we'll be thrilled either way!

17 Weeks, Nothing to Report!

I've been neglecting my blogs lately, so sorry for those of you who read regularly! I'm solidly working through the second trimester now, 17 weeks, 2 days today. The nausea and vomiting is finally over, but it lasted through week 16! Our big ultrasound is scheduled for May 29th and we are all excited to see a healthy baby and to find out if it's a boy or girl. I'm still not sure if I've felt movement yet, thinking I have but wondering if it's gas. Hopefully it will become more pronounced soon. I love feeling my baby move. It's the best feeling ever.

GG continues in her excitement. She has set her heart on a baby sister, and we have been trying to prepare her for the possibility that she may not get what she wants. She refuses to hear of it. I explained the ultrasound process to her, telling her the things they'll measure and how they will tell if it's a boy or girl. She informed me at breakfast this morning that if "it's a vagina, I'll be happy." I almost spit out my breakfast cereal from laughing. I hope she's not disappointed, but I'm sure she'll adjust if she is. I reminded her yesterday that she loves her baby friends Caleb and Luke. She replied, "I like them Mom, I wouldn't say I love them." Again, sometimes she is a funny little girl.

I'll try to do better on my updates. Thanks for reading!

Doppler

Well, I ignored my good friend, Sara's advice (see comment on my prior post-sorry, Sara!) and bought a home doppler. I got it from Smartmomma.com and paid for expedited shipping (I'm SO impatient) so I got it today. I then spent the better part of 20 minutes searching for the baby's heartbeat, which I found several times, but never for more than 5 seconds or so. The thing didn't come with a battery so I "borrowed" one from our smoke detector, which probably isn't at full power, so I couldn't get the display screen to accurately count the beats. It kept saying crazy stuff like 70 and 82, but I could clearly hear that it was a rapid baby heartbeat. So I checked with the clock (counted for 10 seconds, then multiplied by 6) and it was actually 156 bpm-which is normal.

I mashed around so long and so hard (and was covered in the stupid gel stuff when I was done) that I actually made my skin sore, so I spent the next hour or so being worried that I may have harmed the baby somehow. I'm over it now, as I'm sure he or she is fine inside the little sac of fluid, but I'll probably only check for the HB once every few days just to be safe. 15 weeks today, YAY!

Checking In-14 weeks, 4 days

I realized today that my worry level must have decreased a bit because I haven't felt the need to blog about it in a while. I think I'm feeling a tiny bit of movement, but really can't be sure because it's so early. How excited I will be when I start feeling regular kicks! I can hardly wait.

GG is too excited for words (well, not really, anyone who knows her know she's never without words). She asks questions about the baby every day-how big, where in my tummy, can the baby taste that? etc. She suffers from a little worry also, which I'm sure is normal after a loss. The other day, she was hanging on me or something and I told her to stop because it made my tummy hurt. She backed up immediately with worried eyes and said, "You mean it might make the baby die?" I assured her that nothing she could do would make the baby die, and she looked relieved. I felt bad for saying anything that might lead her down that thought path.

I'm still getting sick, which is actually just making me mad now. I thought I remembered all sickness abating at 14 weeks with GG, but then again, it may have been at the end of the 14th week. I'm holding out hope. I didn't throw up for two whole days and thought maybe it was over, then it came back with a vengeance Saturday morning and all day long on Sunday. Today it was just the morning, which is much easier to handle. I really hope I'm not sick the whole 9 months. I am not a good sick person.

Overall, all is well. I'm contemplating renting a home doppler unit so we can listen to the baby's heartbeat whenever we want. When I'm feeling a bit anxious, I could just quickly make sure it's still beating, and I like instant gratification. I'll blog about it if I decide to order one. I would pester my doctor a lot less!

We Made It!!!

Well, the baby officially made it through the first trimester. Ultrasound today at 12 weeks, 6 days showed that all is well. Heart rate is 161 bpm, CRL is 13 weeks, 3 days. God is good!

We took GG out to dinner tonight to tell her the news. It was so much fun. We ordered our drinks and after they came she was anxious to get her food (Chinese buffet). We had told her in the car that we had a surprise for her. I told her to sit still a minute and wait, that I had something to show her. I handed her the ultrasound picture and she said rather loudly, "You have a BABY!!" I told her yes. She reiterated, "There's a BABY in your tummy???" When we again told her there was she started squealing and giggling madly. It was the most adorable thing.

We came home and she called her friend, Lily to tell her the news. They giggled about it on the phone. Then I showed her the DVD of the ultrasound from today. She restarted it about 10 times, talking about how cute the baby is and how much she already loves it. She asked if the doctor was measuring the heartbeat to make sure it is healthy and doesn't die like our "other" baby. I said that's why the doctor watches and measures. I told her we hope that doesn't happen this time. She is absolutely ecstatic. I have one special girl on my hands.

Today Is The Day

. . .and I'm a nervous wreck. Part of me is excited in anticipation of telling GG the good news tonight. Another part of me is terrified that I'm going to get bad news at my appointment. I've made it till lunch, which when I got up this morning seemed impossible. Now just three and a half more hours till I have the ultrasound (or until I go to the appointment, which could end up with an hour wait before I get the ultrasound).

I will say, I talked with two really good friends and my sister-in-law yesterday briefly. They all told me they would be praying for me last night and today. For the last few nights, I've had visions of horrible news dancing in my head and dreams. Last night, as I lay there in bed on the cusp of sleep, I found myself daydreaming about the actual birth experience with this little one, nursing him or her for the first time. . .and then I jolted. Where did those thoughts come from? I suddenly had this unexplainable certainty that someone was praying for me. And it didn't stop there! I dreamt last night that the ultrasound went beautifully and the baby looked great.

This may not seem like a big deal, but considering that I've had horrible, tormenting nightmares about different miscarriage scenarios for the last three or four nights, I think it is a miracle. So. . thanks to all my prayer warriors out there. And thanks to all my awesome friends. Just as I was on the verge of freak out this morning, I got an e-mail from a friend reminding me of the scripture I posted on here a few days ago from Psalm 139:16. It was a timely reminder that I'm not the one in control. I've had it open on my desktop reading it every 15 minutes or so ever since.

I'll post again later tonight-hopefully with great news!

Olives & Ice Cream?

Okay, not eaten together, don't panic. . .I think I'm at that weird "in between" point where the sickness is better, but still hanging around now and then. This means that some foods are tasting really good, but come back to bite me later. I hope today is not one of those days.

For the last three days, I can't seem to get enough green olives. I have eaten a whole jar and a half by myself (no one else in my house likes them). Then for the last four days, I've been dying for some strawberry ice cream. Hubby, GG and I went to Sam's Club yesterday for dog food, etc. and all they had was vanilla or Neopolitan flavors, so I bought the Neopolitan thinking the strawberry in there would suffice. NO WAY. The flavor was artificial and left a horrible after taste.

Today I think I went a little crazy. The stores are all closed for Easter and I really wanted that strawberry ice cream. I drove 10-12 miles to a Baskin Robbins to get some, then opened and ate some of my quart in the parking lot. I've also had a bowl since I got home and may still have more before bed. It tastes so delicious it's actually an emotional experience. I think I'm in the home stretch for the morning sickness. Hallelujah!!!!!

12 Weeks Today

Well, I'm officially 12 weeks today, but won't be thoroughly relieved until I have my ultrasound next week at 12 weeks, 6 days. This will prove that the baby actually made it through the first trimester. I'm still pretty nauseous off and on (lost my dinner last night-won't be eating vegetable beef soup again for a WHILE), but now I've become paranoid that my belly isn't getting any bigger. I'm afraid I may be shrinking.

Nothing much to base it on. I wear mostly stretchy pants anyway so this fear is all subjective, but then what fear isn't? I'm holding on to a promise my sister-in-law posted on Facebook several weeks ago that has really stuck with me: Psalm 139:16 "your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." I'm not the one forming this baby anyway. All his or her days were written before one of them came to be. I'm trying to rest in that.

Update on Me

So it appears that the nausea is on the downhill side-FINALLY. I still heave once every morning, have unpredictable waves of nausea during the day, and absolutely cannot allow myself to get hungry enough for my tummy to growl, but overall I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. If this follows the same pattern it did with my first (healthy) pregnancy, all nausea and extreme food aversion should be gone by week 14-now less than three weeks away! My morale is definitely better because even though I know morning sickness is a good sign, feeling it constantly was very depressing. Thanks for all you guys who are praying for me. It really helps!! 11 weeks, 3 days and counting!

Ultrasound-10 weeks, 6 days

I had another ultrasound today, but no DVD this time so no picture to post. When my doctor came in, he asked how I was and I told him I'd been feeling better for the last three days and was now worried that was a bad sign. He said, "I figured you'd say something like that," which I took to mean, most women start to feel a little better at this stage and it's normal, but he knows I'm a worrier after last time (rightly so). He did another transabdominal scan (which is external, thank goodness) and found the baby immediately. The CRL measured 10 weeks, 5 days-which is 3 days off from last time, but he said it's normal to have some fluctuation. The heart rate was 168 bpm, very healthy and strong. So. . .it appears my worries were for nothing, something I am very grateful for. I intend to fully appreciate every nausea-free moment I have over the next few weeks, until it's gone altogether. I have another scan in two weeks. If all looks good at that one, we intend to tell GG about her impending big sisterhood. Here's hoping!!!

On a spiritual note, as I was driving to the appointment, I was thinking about how God sees me and that if I was going to get bad news, he already knows it's coming. I pictured him bracing himself for my sorrow that was to come, knowing he grieves with his children. As I was having these thoughts, a whisper blew across my heart that said something like, "He anticipates your joy with excitement, not just your pain with sorrow." I, being the pessimist I am, didn't really listen at the time, so invested in my worry was I. After the scan went well, I think I felt a bit convicted for not taking the encouragement that was being offered. I am thankful for a God that gets excited when he knows I'm about to get good news. I should listen to his whispers more often.

Such a Worry Wort

photo by cesar bojorquez

So today, I got up, threw up once in the morning, then went on about my day. I only had one or two waves of nausea all day long. I should be happy, right? Nope. Now I'm scared. I'm afraid that something is wrong with the baby and it made my nausea go away prematurely. Now how's that for ironic? When I'm puking my guts out, I'm praying for it to pass and when I'm feeling better, I'm wishing I felt sick because I'm afraid it's a bad sign. I have issues.

I also had a dream last night that I began to bleed. In my dream, I tried to call my doctor, but the phone wouldn't work. No matter which buttons I pushed, I couldn't get the right number to dial. The dream scared me because I had a dream about bleeding two days before I started spotting with the baby I lost. Now I'm afraid it's a bad sign.

My next ultrasound is scheduled for this coming Wednesday, April 1st at 4 pm. At that point, I will be 10 weeks, 6 days (I'm 10 weeks, 4 days today). I'm nervous that I'm going to get bad news. I have no signs or symptoms of miscarriage, just an ease in the nausea. I wanted to call my doctor today and see if I could come in early, but what should I say. Somehow, "I only puked once today and I had a dream that I was bleeding," doesn't seem like a reason that would carry much weight? Oh the dark and twisty mind I possess. I'm praying I can rest in God's peace until Wednesday, but it is a moment by moment struggle.